The podcast of Mark's Brum Radio show, Mondays from 2pm

2 Feb February

Mark talks to funny freelance writer Tom Lennon about 80s text adventure games, Enid Blyton and where it's possible to satirise the world right now. Tom also plays chapter 4 of Zombies on a Spaceship, and has some tricky decisions to make. Here's this week's scenario:

You’ve been sat in some kind of interview room for an hour, being grilled by Officer Henson. As you talk, he taps away at his tablet computer, and pours glass after glass of blue milk from the jug, drinking each one greedily.

You take your jacket off and prepare to retell your story for the third time. As you reach the end again, he stares at you for a full minute, presses a button on his lapel and says “Carter, get over to interview room B; I think our guest needs to cool off”. He fiddles with his earpiece then after a moment seems satisfied. He turns his attention back to you, points a fat index finger in your direction and says “Right, here’s what’s going to happen”.

A few seconds go by and he hasn’t said anything, but you see the finger start to quiver. Thick, choking sounds emanate from his throat and you see the light in his eyes slowly diminish. His ragged breathing begins to slow, but even as his lungs take their final breath, you hear a kind of moan, not unlike the drone of a bagpipe rising from his chest.

Your first thought is that you haven’t had your last encounter with the undead. Your second thought is “crap, how do I get out of here?” Slowly, the former officer rises to his feet, unsteady but unstoppable.

What do you do?